Saturday, February 16, 2013

Chapter 99: In Which I Discuss an Atlanta Non-reading

I am just noticing how many typos are in this blog. That last post? Embarrassing. But I will not edit them. Those words are the raw, unfiltered thoughts of an award-nominated, semi-coherent author. When my biographers quote these posts they can add [sic]s on their own time.

Random anti-capitalist thought of the day: people call the Black Bloc cowardly because they wear masks, ignoring the fact that the Boston Tea Party was some dudes dressed as Indians. Because only an idiot does illegal acts in public while showing their face. The Tea Party (ugh, that term has been so sullied) was a Black Bloc, plain and simple.
Happy news! I have to extend my congrats to my friend Maddy Barnes, who is publishing her first chapbook this year. I can't wait to read it. I believe she is currently in Europe, busy being young, talented, successful, and other obnoxious things. It's always great to see friends of mine get their work out there, which is becoming a common occurrence.

December tour. Memories. I dragged my sick body out of bed to see The Hobbit and do our Atlanta reading, which was booked at the last minute. Our friend's wife was kind enough to drive us in the torrential rain. The drive felt a lot more leisurely than the drive to Athens, where we were late, and lost, and Dzig's smartphone GPS got a temporary case of dumb. There's something intrinsically uncomfortable about being stuck in the car, in the rain, with a bunch of people. Cause it's a whole crowd being bummed and sullen...ALL TOGETHER!

We got to  the spot in Atlanta, where nobody was there, so we went to get pizza. We found a pretty fun hipster bar up the road, where the waiters had tattoos and stuff. We discussed The Hobbit, and how the kazillion trailers before it were so uniform. STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS! JACK THE GIANT KILLER! THAT TOM CRUISE MOVIE! The only one I felt interested in was the Guillermo del Toro Evangelion rip-off, but all they had to say to get me excited was "Guillermo del Toro." They could have skipped the scenes of Idris Elba yelling entirely.

BEN: There was a part in The Hobbit where the rock giants were fighting, and there were doing anatomically correct boxing. If they're so sentient, how do they feel when they get their heads knocked off? How come nobody looks at their perspective?

ME: Wasn't that in The Neverending Story?

Ben went to check on the space. Two ladies showed up for the reading, but they seemed pretty disgusted when he said he did comics, so bollocks to that. We went home. Those two people did keep Atlanta from being the least-attended reading I've done, so that's cool.  We concluded that, for the future, we should embrace it when we get a rest day, and actually rest. There were ultimately three cancelled shows on the tour: Atlanta (no crowd), Boone (flaky booking), and Memphis (straight up fatigue).

On the way from Athens we stopped to get gas. Dzig took a picture of me standing on the car in a manner he described as "badass merkat." You know, something like this.

That's how I was standing. In my time, I have born resemblance to many African savannah creatures. Ben stipulated that we were NOT stopping in South Carolina. We drove straight through. And obeyed the speed limit.

Present day. I'm chillin' in New Orleans. Tomorrow I'm going to the WWE Elimination Chamber PPV. I'm excited. This is the first WWE show I've been to since King of the Ring 1998 (the one where Undertaker threw Mankind off the cage). The WWE's product is...not as great as it used to be. But the good thing about going to a PPV is that there is guaranteed to be wrestling. Unlike Monday Night Raw, which is three hours of talking and bad comedy skits. Thanks, but no thanks. Anyway, I'm hyped to see CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, the Shield, the Rock, Chris MF'in Jericho, Cesaro, the list goes on. I pretty much like everyone on the card except Cena, who's boring, and Randy Orton, who is apocalyptically boring. Should be a good show. As I said, it'll be nice to see them wrestle, and not cut 20-minute rambling promos or get beat up by dwarves.

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